We’ve all been there – the request to trade seats. And if you haven’t yet, well, your time is coming.
“Will you trade seats with me?”
You booked your flight weeks in advance, secured your favorite premium seat, and waited for the day of departure. On the day of the flight, you lingered a bit in the airline lounge, sending that one final email, finally strolling on to the plane to take your coveted throne, only to find someone comfortably lounging there.
“Excuse me, but I think you are in my seat?” you politely say.
“Oh, right… would you trade seats with me?” the interloper grins and asks, following with any one of a litany of reasons why your seat is needed.
*sigh*
What do you do?
The everyday dilemma
It is the everyday dilemma that plays out on one flight after another. Sometimes a request to trade seats even makes national news.
Airlines are making it more difficult for all passengers to reserve seats (or at least desirable seats) at the time of booking. Upgrades are being cleared closer to departure time. And passengers may simply not be paying enough attention to their own reservations. The result is that many passengers find themselves separated by a row, an aisle, or even a cabin.
My own personal view on requests to trade seats
This question was posed in an elite status forum I frequent. The subject of requests to trade seats brought about much discussion and even a bit of controversy.
Here was my (somewhat dry and slightly exaggerated) response:
I’ll trade aisle for aisle and non-bulkhead for non-bulkhead. But don’t ask me to trade my non-bulkhead aisle for your bulkhead window. And don’t – definitely don’t – sit in my seat and unpack all of your belongings into the seatback pocket, rip open the blanket bag, stow the pillow in the overhead bin, rip into the amenity kit, and start on your pre-departure beverage because I WILL CUT YOU! That’s just next-level rudeness and entitlement, and at that point, I do not care about the circumstances; I will say no on general principle.
Another poster commented, “I am guessing that this has happened to you?” And yes, it has – quite a few times. And while no, I’ve never actually resorted to violence, I have had to bring a gate agent on board to sort out the mess on a couple of occasions.
And no one is immune from this. I once witnessed two individuals trying to guilt-trip a Federal Air Marshal for not switching seats.
When does the request to trade seats border on ridiculous?
The most extreme example I cited above happened on an international flight on a three-class 777. I had a fairly coveted window seat in first class – someone came and took my seat. But to add to the insult, they dug into the amenity kit and put on the socks and used the lotion and wrapped up in the blanket. They also unloaded all of their belongings in the seatback pocket. They even had reclined the seat and started sipping a mimosa by the time I boarded.
It turned out they were in one of the center seats. And yet they thought getting me to trade seats would be an easy conclusion. Yes, I didn’t just make them move; I also made them swap out the amenity kit, blanket, and pillow. The passenger insisted on having a gate agent brought on board. His excuse was that he *always* has a window seat and cannot fly in a middle seat due to claustrophobia. The gate agent had to explain to him that I had actually been booked in first class weeks in advance. In contrast, he had been upgraded at the gate. She told him he was welcome to move back to his window seat in business class, and she could upgrade another passenger instead.
The reality, however, is that I’m regularly asked to trade seats. And occasionally I’m NOT asked. That usually makes a difference in how I will respond.
The rules of engagement
- Like for like: You are more likely to be successful asking to swap for something the other passenger already has. If they aren’t giving up anything in the process (e.g., legroom, a view, easy lavatory access), a yes is more likely.
- Trade up: If you can’t trade like for like, then be willing to trade up. You are getting the benefit of sitting with your companion. That means YOU give up the exit row or end up taking a middle to get what you want.
- Shift benefits: Special privileges sometimes come with the seat (earlier meal ordering, free drinks, whatever). If it matters, make certain that the flight attendant knows when you trade seats. That way neither party loses out on those benefits.
- Don’t be ridiculous unless there is compensation involved: I’ve witnessed someone asking a business class passenger to give up their seat and go to coach so their partner could move up. If you do that, be willing to pony up some cash. I once saw a guy pay a teenager $400 cash onboard to move to coach so his wife could move to business.
- Don’t be presumptive: Don’t assume someone is going to swap with you. Nothing is worse than boarding to find someone settled into your seat. Stay politely out of the way until they agree to the move. Do not stow your belongings or use any of the seat amenities.
- Don’t be a jerk: Don’t be persistent if a passenger won’t trade seats. They may have a valid reason for not moving. For example, I will refuse to give up my aisle seat because I have a digestive disease. It’s best that I not be stuck in a window seat if I can avoid it.
What is your take?
I’ve never heard of an otherwise solid relationship not surviving a seat separation on a flight.
Will you trade seats on an airplane? Or do you have an egregious story about a request to trade seats? Sound off in the comments.
I’m usually too nice to say no, but there are enough check points in person and online for someone, somehow, to realize that their family of 4 aren’t together or their spouse in the back of the plane.
Your points seem sensible.
I’ve never been asked to change seats, though your points just seem like common sense logic. If I were asking someone to move, I’d always start with some bribe offer, whether it’s an on-board meal, movie, wifi, etc., or just a $20 (this assumes an even trade…I would, of course, up it if I were looking for a less-than-even trade). I feel like starting with an offer and not just a request (or worse, demand) will soften up the person in the seat I want.
I once boarded to find someone sitting in my seat, a “1” on a 1-2 e145. I began to ask him to move, and his nearby traveling companion told me that my seat-stealer was deaf. What was I going to do; argue with a deaf guy? So I begrudgingly sat in the deaf guy’s assigned seat across the aisle.
Just before pushback, a flight attendant comes up to me and begins talking to me in a very strange tone of voice / body language, like she thought she was talking to a 3 year-old. After just a few words, I point across the aisle to the deaf guy and say “I think you’re looking for him.” Clearly she was aware of the disabled passenger on board and was checking on them before departure.
I don’t know what’s worse: that I didn’t get my seat, or that this flight attended thought it was right to talk to a fully grown man like a 3-year old because he was deaf.
I never swap anymore, on principle. I have flown too much, been asked too many times, and been hosed by the deal more than once.
The only swap I could see myself doing nowadays is one into a higher class of service. But that has never happened to me..and I have been a frequent flier for 20 years (average of 2 flights a week). I am usually in F or Biz anyhow.
The fact is, there are ways for even non status pax to pick their seats well in advance. Most airlines allow it at booking. If you are too cheap to pay the extra 20 dollars for that, you deserve to accept the fates that befall you. A failure or unwillingness on your part to plan ahead does not constitute an emergency on my part.
If it was irregular ops or some logistical screw up on the part of the airline, I am sorry. That sucks. But that’s still YOUR problem. Get the cabin crew to sort it out for you.
Most of the reasons people cite are hardly worth it. Separated adults? Please, you are grown ups and can be apart for a few hours. Children? Squeezing out a few carbon copies of yourself doesn’t entitle you to priority over me. Get the crew to sort it out. Ask someone else. Upgraded couples? Standby?
Just be thankful you are on the plane at all or that you have an upgrade.
The fact is, there is a competition going on. It starts when the flight is released. It is competition for the best seats, the earliest boarding group, the upgrades..if I am in a seat you covet, it’s because I won it. Even when I am in coach, I promise you I paid extra or used points to get that exit row aisle and am not going to give it up short of you giving me an F seat. I beat you to it. I won. And just like in a marathon, I am not going to run back into the race after passing the finish line just so I can give my medal to the guy in 23rd place because he reaaaallly reallly wants it. I am not giving up my front row seats at a concert because someone who really really likes the band cheaped out and got seated behind a pole in the nosebleed seats. Sorry. Not sure why this doesn’t seem to extend to airplanes.
Many advocates of swaps go on about common courtesy. I should point out that common courtesy is first and foremost not bothering, burdening, or inconveniencing total strangers for petty reasons of your own. Take the seats you are given and shut up.
Saying no to someone’s request is not a failure of courtesy. Being told no and becoming indignant, disruptive and demanding of further explanation is discourteous and counter productive.
So 99% I say no to swaps..and not only do I say no, I ONLY say no. It’s not followed with an explanation which I don’t owe and I am not about to give the guy an angle by offering an excuse. I don’t have to justify keeping what is mine.
Some might say this is harsh, but I almost fully agree with you. I’m possibly open to certain extenuating circumstances, such as an airline screw up that separates a parent from a young, squeezed out carbon copy (omg, that made me laugh).
I totally relate to this seat-trading dilemma—especially when you’ve spent ages securing that perfect window seat only to have someone breeze in and ask to switch. It’s one of those small but frustrating moments that can really throw off your travel vibe. The best part about the post is how it highlights the unspoken social dynamics of flying, which I think most travelers can relate to. Thanks for bringing up something so relatable yet often overlooked!
I’ll trade like for like with no problem; on occasion, to get a kid seated with his/her family, I will consider taking a window instead of my preferred aisle. BUT I am NOT taking a middle seat unless it’s to sit next to my husband.
This is why I always fly first class domestic and business class international.
Yes, I’m bougie but I’m not being bougie here.
And yes, it cost extra money, but if I can avoid even a single encounter with one of the ignorant trailer trash minded cattle in the back, me splashing out the extra cash for a decent seat among the few civilized people in the pointy end is worth it.
The only time I ask for a seat swap is when my wife and book a window and an aisle in the same row, and someone books the middle seat. Because my wife needs a window seat, I swap and take the middle seat to be next to her. No one has ever refused that trade.
You recycled this article from 2017 and didn’t even delete the comments from back then?
Yes… thanks for reading through to the comments!
I was flying Vancouver to New Zealand for a triathlon so nerves, long legs, extra fluids and a small bladder had me cover my aisle seat close to the washrooms. At boarding a woman came to me and “demanded” that she be able to sit with her young daughter. I asked where her seat was- yup- middle seat many rows up. I politely refused. She did not give up and let’s just say she was less than pleasant. Enter “young” daughter. Clearly in her early teens and not looking at all like she needs mommy to watch over her. She settles into her middle seat like a pro- clearly not her first rodeo. Mommy comes back repeatedly to glare at me and check on daughter. Being a mother myself- I decide to chat with daughter to see if she is indeed ok. Lo and behold, turns out she has flown MANY times….because daddy is the pilot!! My guilt evaporated.